did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
