She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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