bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
