I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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