Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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