I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
