the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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