I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
