haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
