Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
