just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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