Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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