Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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