when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
