i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
