I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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