Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
