fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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