The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
