Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Holy shit dude........stairs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
