so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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