how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
