"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
