Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
