addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
