I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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