I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm passing your future prison.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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