he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
