I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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