Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
