His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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