i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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