Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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