I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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