Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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