Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
