watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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