and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I enjoy the company of your penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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