That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
