Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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