He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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