we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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