My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, beer. Big fan.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
