Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
