Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
