I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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