I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
