dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
