the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
