ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
