Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
