i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
