Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
