every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
