ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
