tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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