hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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