We named our party play list daddy issues
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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