She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
