I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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