Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
